shore club: leinenkugel's sunset wheat

SD: Thanks for driving me home and tolerating my very frequent requests for bathroom breaks. Thanks for making me try some really good stuff, one of which I've decided was good enough to name this blog after. :)

I will never listen to any of MM's stories ever again. Not when he's holding a bottle in his hands... but who knows? He probably would've told it anyway, even if he didn't have EtOH in his system. I'm glad I had AT as a filter... and even he threw me some i-have-no-@#$%-idea-why-he's-telling-me-this glances. Haha. You know you've crossed some kind of a line when your cw's are telling you strange stuff about their lives. Or when they utter things that they don't normally say to you when you come across each other in the hallway. Unless I was too dense to "get" that he was actually serious. Bwahaha.

I love MH's daughters. They are too adorable. At one point, one of them chose me over the lights of the Christmas tree. *melts* Haha. The KS party was more fun that I had expected... I got an electronic dartboard that is going to be installed in the lab somewhere. MM claims he was going to "steal" that one from me too, after having "stolen" the MP3 player I had "stolen" from WL. But he said he didn't want to see the same forlorn expression I had on when he took the MP3 player. Egh... I really wouldn't have minded. But it was just too funny (and very karma-ish) that he ended up with tiny chicken salt and pepper shakers.

Last day of work for 2008. Whoo!
LYN

applesauce or ABCs --> Bacon

Two and a half bowls of pasta-roni later... I'm absolutely stuffed. Thanks SC.... for having us over and sharing a piece of your heart with us. More importantly, thanks for letting me take the left-overs. Haha.

You all can't possibly understand how happy I am that I saw a protein band on my gel today. **Ignore this statement if you have no idea what I'm talking about.** The take-home message is that I'm happy I'm able to do what I claim in my resume. Teehee.

My nieces and nephew are coming. They'll be here at the end of this month... which makes me wonder about whether or not I should move back to LA. I've been asking God to lead me wherever He wants me to be. The thing is, it's almost the perfect time to move. I'm on the market again, job-wise. And my apartment lease ends at the end of Feb. I haven't enrolled in any class and I'm very much open to moving closer to my family, what with my brother's children being there and all. So what's holding me back? I'm comfortable here. I love San Diego -- the weather, the fun places, and the people that I've come to consider as my second family. And there aren't a lot of biotech companies up in LA. But still, there's that pull that I can't ignore. At the moment, I'm very confused. And I will remain confused until God gives me a very clear answer. I choose to wait.. and in the mean time, I'll do what God tells me for the "now." I'll worry about the "later" well, later. :)

Tomorrow will be tons of fun. I've never been to a KS Christmas party. Someone's bringing Jose C. Uhh... maybe I'll limit myself to one or two of that. I want to be very (aware) around my co-workers. It should be interesting. Heh...

Bah, George Lopez again. Either that or Home Improvement. Bah.

LYN

a painting by Chagall

"Painting by Chagall"

Thunder rumbles in the distance, a quiet intensity
I am willful, your insistence is tugging at the best of me
You're the moon, I'm the water
You're Mars, calling up Neptune's daughter

Sometimes rain that's needed falls
We float like two lovers in a painting by Chagall
All around is sky and blue town
Holding these flowers for a wedding gown
We live so high above the ground, satellites surround us.

I am humbled in this city
There seems to be an endless sea of people like us
Wakeful dreamers, I pass them on the sunlit streets
In our rooms filled with laughter
We make hope from every small disaster

Everybody says "you can't, you can't, you can't, don't try."
Still everybody says that if they had the chance they'd fly like we do.

***

that song is really confusing. haha. but i looooove it. if you have time, you should google it and listen to it. actually while you're at it, you might as well look these up too: solace and la vie en rose. :) these songs totally cheer me up.

anywhos... i've been thinking about a lot of things. most of them are about the future. where i'll be, what i'll be doing, who i'm going to be (with), etc etc etc. :) hey, i'm not worrying. i'm just wondering. and also, trying to figure out what path to take to get to where God wants me to be. i don't know where that is, but i have to find the right path... i don't want to be on a road that leads to nowhere.

it's hard to figure out what i want. it's even harder to figure out if what i want is what's good for me... if what i want is what God wants for me. i don't see God's will for my life as something that i will not enjoy... because i know that if i'm completely obedient and if i trust him wholly, i will find complete joy and peace in whatever He has in store for me. what i don't know is if my desires for a certain future is God's will for me. i suppose i can't really know that... but i have to be able to discern.

is God's will an endpoint that i'll get to no matter if i start on point A or B or C? is it something concrete and unchanging? or does it change with each decision i make? what happens if i ignore a nudge from the Holy Spirit? do i get another nudge or does it completely alter the endpoint? does God have control over the endpoint -- if He does, does that invalidate our freedom of the will? does it matter where i am and what i'm doing as a career if i'm glorifying Him in whatever i've chosen to do, wherever i was?

too many questions. gah. hey, maybe some of you can try to help me out with these things. :)
well, i'll continue to ponder.

good night.
LYN

wants

ok, this is silly. whenever i do take the time to sit and try to blog, i can't come up with anything to say. sighs.

i can't tell you how many times my head would be overflowing with ideas and new thoughts. my mind filled with so many that i can't seem to sort them out and organize them well enough to write them... and actually make sense. just now, i thought i could write... but here i am again, in front of the keyboard, struggling to find anything meaningful to say.

but let's try it. and see where it gets me.

there's something oddly comfortable about being alone in the apartment. the christmas lights on the small tree are on and the way the colors are changing is almost hypnotizing. i guess i can sit here and watch it all day. and the odd thing is, i'm ok with doing that. it's not like i can really go anywhere... i'm still a bit sick and the headache comes and goes. i had been in bed until 1045am when my body reminded me of its physical need. so i had mac and cheese with spam. not at all satisfying (as i type, i'm feeling hungry again)... but at that time, i didn't care. i was too eager to eat anything to really think about what i REALLY wanted to eat. anyway, just before i got out of bed, i had a sinking feeling... as if i already knew how slow and uneventful today is going to be. of course, i'm comparing my life with bella's... and yes, as opposed to her drama-filled life, mine's a bit mundane. but gah, what i would give to have a little excitement. just a teeny-weeny bit. anyway, there's nothing i can do to change the course of my life. i can only really change my attitude about it.

but come to think of it, i don't think my life's supposed to be slow and uneventful. i really don't want to accept that. i refuse to, anyway. i want to discover new things, experience new things, and learn new things. i want to live... really live. the way God expects and wants me to live. joyful, hopeful, peaceful... i want to find meaning and purpose in everything. and i want to live with meaning and purpose. i want to find myself immersed in the beauty of love: romantic love, friendship love, etc. i want to find God then find the one i'm supposed to be with in this lifetime. i want to love and be loved.

i want sooooo many things.
is it ok to want a lot of things? is it enough to want them?
will i love Him, even when i get disappointed?

i guess i should just stare at my tree. when i get to thinking about these wants, i feel an ache in me. i guess i must want those things badly.

well, ok, it's getting hard to keep track of my thoughts. honestly, what i've written here is only a hundredth of what's going through my head. but you all can't know everything. :)

tata for now,
LYN

post-election thoughts

wow, i feel like there's nothing to read on the news anymore. the election is over and "change" has come to america... that's pretty huge. and i'm glad i was a part of it. :D

one thing to keep in mind: as obama himself said,

"this victory alone is not the change we seek -- it is only the chance for us to make that change."

and how do we go about doing this?

"So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only for ourselves, but each other."

yes, we are all in this together. change starts with each one of us. it is not something one man can bring about. we need to do our part and (as PB says) be the change we want to see. we all need to sacrifice something to make this world a little better, a little safer, a little greener, a little less divided, and so on.
and while we're at it, BE realistic. the change that we seek will not happen overnight. for instance, we're not going to come out of this recession in a few days, or even weeks. we're trying to undo eight years of economic ailment here... so it's going to require much patience and for us all to work together. :D so don't expect magic here.

anyway, thoughts on prop8.
i know, i know... we should move on, dammit. haha.
but hey, i haven't blogged in a while so i'll still share my thoughts on it... even though it is a bit too late. :)

i believe that marriage is an institution created by God for man and woman.
period.

i don't believe gays should be discriminated against. i don't believe they should have less rights. i don't believe they are second-class citizens.

but i voted YES on prop 8. contradiction? who's to say?
i took a stand for God, to protect the sanctity of marriage, and i am not ashamed of it.
was it a struggle? yes. i see both sides' POVs and i respect each of them.
but God defined marriage and who are we to change that? maybe the rights that go along with "marriage" should be separated from the institution itself. but marriage will always be between a man and woman. i believe it should stay that way.

:)

alrighty, i have to get my beauty rest.
ensenada tomorrow.
whoot!

~L

funny

Teehee.

This pic's funny.

LYN

***

Sway by Bic Runga

Don't stray
Don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better
Of me sometimes
When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don't let me drown
Let me down
I say its all because of you and here I go
Losing my control
I'm practicing your name
So I can say it to your face it doesn't seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time
Tell you why
I say its infinitely true
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everything's turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now
It all turns sour
Come sweeten
Every afternoon
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Its all because of you
Its all because of you

crystal!!!

agh... why must he be soooo hottttt??? :D

anywayysss... i'm so pissed. the last day to sign up for section (for molecular biology) is today and i can't even sign onto the website. apparently concurrent enrollment students can't sign in because we don't have PIDs. so what now??? what am i supposed to do to get my five points for discussion participation? fudge. so pissed!

**breathes**

this week has been interesting. i had "good feelings" about my protein. i'm hoping it crystallizes over the weekend. it'll be a nice semi-surprise on monday. i really really want crystals. i even asked God for them. teehee.

i've been summoned for jury duty. wow! i feel like i'm an official citizen now.

i looooooove coats. i feel pretty in coats. :) was that too random?

got nothing else to say. adieu.
LYN

"chicken"

ok, so i couldn't find the disney channel last night and ended up sleeping with ESPN on. huh? even now, it's still on the same channel. it's just that last night i couldn't bear to watch any more of home improvement. hehe.

second presidential debate tomorrow night. i have no interest in watching it. it's definitely not a toss-up for me anymore. i feel pretty sure about who i'm going to vote for. sometimes i still wonder and find myself hovering the fence... but i always end up on the same side. so i'll take it as God's leading. :)

anywhos... i'm so excited to hear about everyone's plans to go back to school. i get encouraged and motivated just by hearing about them. :D yay! and think of all the places i can visit!!! whoo-hoo. obviously it hasn't sunk in --> the fact that i will miss my roomie mucho. wwwaaahhh. ok, maybe it's sinking in. :(

i had fake chicken for dinner. it was quite good. but i think next time i'll just order tofu. teehee. and i had tons of fun tonight with the ladies. they're all very awesome.

i can't think of anything else to say. i have loads of stuff brewing in my head. but nothing that you'll get to read about here.

good night.

read

excerpt from Rebecca Traister's editorial:

I don't want to be played by the girl-strings anymore. Shaking our heads and wringing our hands in sympathy with Sarah Palin is a disservice to every woman who has ever been unfairly dismissed based on her gender, because this is an utterly fair dismissal, based on an utter lack of ability and readiness. It's a disservice to minority populations of every stripe whose place in the political spectrum has been unfairly spotlighted as mere tokenism; it is a disservice to women throughout this country who have gone from watching a woman who -- love her or hate her -- was able to show us what female leadership could look like to squirming in front of their televisions as they watch the woman sent to replace her struggle to string a complete sentence together.

In fact, the only people I feel sorry for are Americans who invested in a hopeful, progressive vision of female leadership, but who are now stuck watching, verbatim, a "Saturday Night Live" skit.

Palin is tough as nails. She will bite the head off a moose and move on. So, no, I don't feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for women who have to live with what she and her running mate have wrought.

for full article, click on this.

obama '08

"I thought this was funny." :)

One thing we now know for sure. Electing John McCain would be God’s gift to the profession of journalism. A story a minute.

Imagine what would happen if a new beetle infested the Iowa corn crop during the first year of a McCain administration. On Monday, we spray. On Tuesday, we firebomb. On Wednesday, the president marches barefoot through the prairie in a show of support for Iowa farmers. On Thursday, the White House reveals that Wiley Flum, a postal worker from Willimantic, Conn., has been named the new beetle eradication czar. McCain says that Flum had shown “the instincts of a maverick reformer” in personally buying a box of roach motels and scattering them around the post office locker room. “I can’t wait to introduce Wiley to those beetles in Iowa,” the president adds.

On Friday, McCain announces he’s canceling the weekend until Congress makes the beetles go away.

Barack Obama would just round up a whole roomful of experts and come up with a plan. Yawn.

--by Gail Collins.

***

So, post-debate reaction. The first three questions of the debate focused (as expected) on the economic crisis facing the country. While neither candidate really stood out on that one, I saw that Obama is more thoughtful of what he'd do as President. There are no abrupt decisions with him; everything is weighed in and the decision is made with nothing taken for granted. Consider this: when asked what he would do or change when he takes office in light of the $700 billion bailout plan (surely this would put the next president on his first day to be balancing the budget plan), here are the answers given by each candidate:

McCain says he will issue a spending freeze on all programs except veterans, defense, and other vital issues. Now what is vital to McCain, we don't know. Because he didn't really get into the specifics. Although, if you ask me, I see a spending freeze as another BAND-AID. A short-term solution that doesn't get to the root of the problem.

Obama, on the other hand, seemed to have thought more about it and answered carefully. He said "that the problem with a spending freeze is you're using a hatchet when you need a scalpel." He named programs that are underfunded at the moment, like healthcare and early childhood education, which cannot afford a spending freeze. He addressed the causes that got us into this economic mess and criticized the current administration for letting the markets run amock without sufficient oversight or regulation. A philosophy that McCain embraces.

Now what scares me about a McCain presidency is the thought that what if, our economy and our military defence can't take any more? He's too stubborn to change his mind about Iraq (claims the surge is still working -- but really, we shouldn't even be there in the first place) and he seems pretty set on economic policies as well-- protecting the 5% of the population with tax cuts while ignoring the 95% who are earning less than a quarter of a million dollars a year. He never even said "middle class" during the debate. That's how out of touch he is. Anyway, back to my initial question. What if we get another four more years of failed policies? Our standing in the world continues to decline, we're making more enemies, our market is shot to hell (and now we're trying to rescue the very fuckin people that got us into this mess in the first place), we're getting into real bad debt (yes, we're borrowing from China because the Iraq war is costly but McCain doesn't seem to want to put a spending freeze on that), we continue our isolationism philosophy when it comes to foreign policies (when Obama offers a tough diplomacy first with militiary action not taken off the table-- sounds pretty good to me)... I can go on and on and on. But all I see with a McCain presidency is doom. And you know what? All I see with a Palin presidency is more doom. I'd like to hear Putin's response about how Palin thinks she has foreign policy experience because she can see Russia from her home in Alaska. WTF?? That's bordering on amusing! Really! Well from BV's house, I can see TJ... omg, that makes me ready to tackle illegal immigration issues. What a joke! Anywayys....

Ok, this whole thing was going to be longer but I'm so riled up (but still pretty amused) that I think it's better to just pause for now. Maybe we should think about the North Korean regime for now and how the government is so repressive that the average height for North Koreans is 3 inches shorter than South Koreans. HUH??? That's McCain for you. Or, hey maybe the government is just hording the milk and keeping it from the general population's reach. Haha. Maybe that's what McCain meant. Whatever.

Good day,
LYN

some things about palin...

My sister said that maybe I should refrain from talking about politics. It gets me too heated. Well I think there's too much on the line to remain passive about it. So I won't be silent. I want to talk about it and I want to tell people who are open-minded what the choices are. Maybe there is no right decision. But it is important to know what a vote for McCain/Palin or a vote for Obama/Biden entails. Look past the media blur or the ad attacks or the hype (which I don't fully understand by the way) about an ex-beauty contest winner being nominated as the VP for the Republican ticket. Rick Davis said this election is going to be about personalities and not the issues. Because apparently the next thing we need is a president who is likable but without substance, right? That's bullshit; excuse my language. But honestly, he said that because he WANTS this election to NOT be about the issues. Because if you look more closely, McCain/Palin's stand on things are outdated. They won't bring change because they can't recognize a problem that needs change even if it bites them in the buttocks. More and more, this duo has become more about Palin than McCain. Ok... let's see what has been said of Palin.

--has initially said that she does not think global warming is due to man and his activities; has of course changed course since being nominated
--is against embryonic cell-stem research
--wants to take polar bear off the endangered species list
--wants to drill, drill, drill
--thinks Russia was "unprovoked" before its incursion into Georgia (even though most US officials think otherwise)
--favors Georgia being accepted into NATO; has said that "perhaps" the US may find herself at war with Russia over Georgia (there is a lobbyist for Georgia in the McCain campaign by the way)
--called for "hands-off approach to Israel if it decided to strike Iranian nuclear facilities."


ok, I'm done... for now.
I'll be writing about Obama on the next post. If you don't want to read it, tough. It's my blog. :)

LYN

r.a.n.d.o.m.

he smiles. i swoon. :D
15-6. final score. we rock. DB is hilarious: manly "yaaaahhh!!!!"
the jerseys are lucky, i tell ya.
saw jupiter and three of its moons the other day. that was awesome.
ok, seven piercings. i should stop now, huh?
palin looks like a puppet: she won't conduct interviews (unless its been approved by the campaign) and just sticks to her "script." great, just what we need, right? another one that's going to be controlled by "them." ugh.
it's not about personalities. it's about the issues for me. rick davis DOES NOT know what he's freakin talking about.

ok. ((heart))
LYN

sighs

GOP mocks public service at its peril

election '08

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080904/ap_on_el_pr/cvn_fact_check;_ylt=ArC9vBoma6dA3G4e_UDctEys0NUE

i hope people realize how important this coming election is. and i hope people realize that too much is at stake to NOT do their own research and find out where each candidate stands on each of the issues. not just one or two or three issues. on EVERY issue. i'm gonna make it clear here that i am against abortion (except for cases of rape, incest and when the mother's health in endangered) and i am against same-sex marriages. but let's face it. in this post-modern era, there are so many other issues than those two. environmental decline, poverty, mid-East conflict, conflict with Russia, natural disasters, the economy, healthcare, education, immigration, and the list goes on and on and on. i am not going to vote for a pro-life and a pro-traditional marriage ticket IF it also means that i'm voting for further environmental decline, more crises with other countries, more money in the pockets of the rich and less for the middle class, less stellar education for the kids of America, and more budget deficits. the truth is, the states are allowed to decide whether or not they will allow same-sex marriages. a proposition to ban same-sex marriage (known as the California Marriage Protection Act) is going to be on the ballot in November here in CA. and it may pass. and i'm all for overturning Roe v. Wade and all but that was decided in 1973! and we've had at least four pro-life presidents since then... and it hasn't been overturned. what makes US think it's going to be overturned now??? and exactly how??

i am not less of a Christian if i vote for Obama-Biden.
and i am not going to try to change anyone's mind or try to force my opinion on people. i just want people to be informed and make a decision based on that. don't just vote for a particular party just because past family generations voted for it. or don't just vote for someone because it's a trend. it makes me sick when i hear about people so effin ignorant, they believe everything -- from ridiculous rumors to ad attacks that stretch the truth or worse, ignore it.

the information is out there. we just have to look for it.
LYN

SB!!!

why would you NOT want to get on my bad side? because apparently i can be pretty mean. i threaten to leave people behind if they're not on time and to leave them on the shoulder of the road of hwy101 if they keep putting their feet on the car's arm rest. hmm... i must've eaten something bad. i'm usually not THAT mean. haha.

SB was fun, minus the traffic on the way back. everyone was right; it was just like a HUGE la jolla. except there was stearn's wharf where there was fish 'n chips galore complete with flocks of seagulls who want to share those things with you. we saw davy jones on his tinier boat... and we could've ridden that for free, had we been able to stay there a bit longer. the 90 minute trolley tour was conducted by "Red Eagle" who kept saying that the six of us (all filipinos) were just waiting for a good opportunity to jump him. why? i have no freakin idea. i guess we all looked like thugs? umm... yeah. anyway, i'm pretty sure he was kidding. at the end of the tour, we thanked and tipped him, the guy who said that among his people (the Chumash) he was a spiritual leader. :) downtown was nice. i looooooove crowded streets and being able to people watch. i wanted to stay there. :D
we also rented a double bicycle... one that has four pedals. that was fun and quite an exercise! on the way back to the rental we got lost and debated whether or not it was a good idea to just keep going with the bike onto the 101. good judgment prevailed and we grudgingly took the bike back where it belonged. it was a funny feeling to get off the bike and start walking. i still felt like i was pedaling and my legs felt shaky and weak. we walked ahead of RB and JG and next thing i knew there was a sound of a thump on the ground and water bottles scattering on the sidewalk. i turned around and realized that RB had attempted to get his picture taken while he was mid-air. it didn't occur to him that his legs probably would not be able to support him after the hourlong bike ride. so he was on all fours as we all cracked up, along with some bystanders on the boardwalk. aiyah... he was fine. but that was probably the most comical moment of the day.

and i will end this with that.

have a good tuesday,
LYN

randomest randomies

ok, i'm really excited to hear Barack Obama's speech tonight at the last day of the Democratic National Convention. :)

"HS giddiness." i'mma revel in it for a bit. before i burst my own bubble.

did EC just call me "gangsta???" that guy cracks me up.

per TD: i wouldn't mind the icing on the cake, but the cake itself is good enough!

i think i can be a bit stubborn. and i think i can be rude. yeah...

ok, i'm ready for the long weekend. yay!!!

LYN

i <3 ate tina

... just wanted to put that out there. hahaha.

:D

i also (heart) GOD very much.
LYN

read...

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/25/opinion/25cohen.html

run!

I want to live like the way I run.
When I go running, I pick a spot in the distance as a kind of milestone where I can either stop and start walking or suck it up and keep running. But until I get there, I go at it hard, all the while enjoying the fresh air and the fact that I can still do such an activity. I really am blessed; I thank God for my legs. Running is probably the only sport I consider myself to be good at. :) Anyway, the way I live is different. People say I'm carefree. But that's probably just the way I come off. I want to live carefree. But there's chaos in my head-- thoughts that prevent me from completely trusting Him. I think so much about where I want to be that I forget to live in the here and now. My head gets filled with thoughts of that finish line (whatever that is) that I don't get as much from living as I possibly can. I can hear God saying, "child, you only need to make it to this tree, your milestone, and you're good for the hour... for the day... for the week." I can hear Him telling me all about the beauty of the present, but there's background noise. Noise coming from my desire to get to "it" already... from my doubts that He will actually make things happen for me. So I ignore God's voice... and continue with my futile attempt to get to that finish line. Then I ask God "why is life so hard? When are you going to do this for me? Am I supposed to be content at my current state?" And in my frustration and anger, His voice gets all the more drowned by more background noise. Here's when those other questions come: "Why are you not listening to me? Why don't I hear you? Are you there??? Didn't you promise me a fruitful and fulfilling life? So why am I stuck here??? When am I going to catch a break? I want to see you, hear you... why can't I do that?" But it's not Your fault. It's my own damn fault. And it breaks my heart to even imagine the pain I cause You. When I lay aside my doubts, my questions, my emotions... that's when I see You. I see Your hand trying to take mine... I see that blessed milestone... but more importantly, I realize how amazing and truly fulfilling and fruitful the journey is with You. And I hear You. I hear You laugh when no one else does... I hear You whisper comfort when in my helplessness, all I can do is cry... I hear Your rah, rah, rahs... so I can get to that milestone... I hear Your promises of that finish line.
I want to live like that. In complete surrender and trust in You.
I learn every moment to surrender and trust. Thank you for my infinite second chances.

LYN

oh, the pathetic attempt of the radical right-wingers...

http://politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2008/aug/20/obama-nation-corsi-facts-fire/

my desk...

... is relatively neat, I guess.

I've got tons of printed articles, protocols, notes, manuals, all stacked "neatly" on the shelf above my desk. I've got a hanger, a lanyard, USB cable, a book on Colossians, file folders, ibuprofen, an empty tupperware, mint, my nerdy invitrogen calendar, my mug with three handles, and of course, a mugful of pens and assorted colored highlighters. There's also a box of instant oatmeal that now serves as the speaker stand and a couple of lovely notes from BV. Oh yeah, there's a vanilla nut granola bar sitting on the side... the bar that SC gave me like days ago. It will be eaten, for sure. Just haven't had the craving for vanilla yet.

Why am I talking about my desk, anyway? Ah well... you get a "feel" for me, for my personality by looking at my tiny office. :) Just like how McCain's and Obama's offices say something about them. There was an article written about that... I should add the link here, but I know none of you will read it. ;P Anywhos... am I a clean-freak? Heck no. There are dust bunnies collecting right behind my monitor already. I am, however, a neat-freak. But it's neat, according to me. You won't look at my desk and be amazed at how organized things are. But it looks neat enough and it's organized enough for me to find things without turning it upside down. And who has a hanger on their desks anyway? Don't even know why that's there, but I think it adds a nice touch to the whole visage. <-- that is totally not a word I would use in in-person convos. Thanks, dictionary.com. muahahaha. So what does it say about me? Well... I drink too much coffee, I get headaches often, I'm obsessed with many different colors of highlighters, and well, that I don't mind keeping random things on my desk. I think the semi-neat-freakness also reflects my attempt to control things, to put my life in a semi-neat order... but also realizing that sometimes disarray is okay. It's out of the random muddle that God shows His greatness at making things ordered and serenely in place. My life may be a mess and like in the book The Shack, my heart may be in complete chaos, but God finds beauty in that and makes everything work out for my good and for His glory. Amazing, right? ok, so excited for the weekend. Yay!! LYN

and another one...

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/chi-oped0821goldbergaug21,0,7117235.story

read...

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/17/opinion/17rich.html?ref=opinion

i feel...

... tired, but tenacious;
... anxious, but hopeful;
... at times sad, but joyful;
... incomplete, but living a life with many blessings and much love.

one's gotta be REALLY ignorant to believe all the LIES that these radical right-wingers write and talk about. we live in a perverted world where people influence others to fear difference. different culture, different religion, different beliefs, different races, etc.
if McCain does not denounce this kind of fear-mongering, it says something about him and how "dirty" he would go in his campaign. and even if i don't like some of Obama's policies, i will never vote for someone who would use fear to get himself elected.
it makes me mad, seriously.

***

LYN

GoOd StUfF

Had a GRRREAT study tonight at PS's. I really benefit just from listening to the discussion. Tonight I learned a lot... from the insight that PS has of the Word and the resulting dialogue from it. I especially liked the part when PS asked what we can learn from Simon's mother-in-law (Mark 1: 29-31) and how can we apply this to our lives.
Gratitude that results in obedience and serving God and His people.
To paraphrase: "We've all experienced a form of healing. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually. And out of gratitude, we are to serve God just like Simon's mother-in-law served Jesus and the disciples as soon as she was healed. We're called to serve and love others and that is how we show how grateful we are to Him who has saved us and loved us first." Love it.

My thoughts on Mark chapter 1. As many of you know, I hardly talk in big discussion groups. I felt compelled to share once or twice tonight, but of course in the end, I kept it to myself. One of these days, I will overcome this hurdle of not being able to speak to a large audience. (Hey, maybe I SHOULD take that public speaking course NOW, which is also a pre-req for Pharm School.) Anyway, thoughts were brewing in my head during discussion. A couple of things:
i. the Temptation.
ii. Quiet time

Temptation. I actually had a question on this but the overthinking and hesitating to speak actually led to an answer. :D The verse says "At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert..." In other versions, the word sent is replaced with "driveth" or "compelled." This was the same Spirit that descended on Jesus "like a dove." At first read, I thought about it and I wondered, "so the Holy Spirit wants Jesus to be tempted?" Of course, Jesus will not sin so it's pretty futile for Satan to even try. But if the Holy Spirit sent Jesus to be tempted, then doesn't that mean that He also sends US to be tempted? Then I started wondering about why in the Lord's Prayer, this prayer is included: "and lead us not into temptation." Here's the thing that I realized though. The Holy Spirit... GOD... is NOT the one doing the tempting. It is Satan.. the evil one... who is responsible for it. God only ALLOWS us to be tempted. Maybe the path that He has for us includes thick, scary forests or deserts with wild beasts in which we are to be tempted, tested... but if we know Him and His Word (in which there is promise of victory), we can overcome this temptation and see the clearing at the end of the forest or come to a resting place in that desert where we can be attended to by our angels. Yes, we are tempted, but if we walk in God's light, sin should no longer have a hold on us. We are victorious over sin... through Christ.

Quiet time. One word: convicted. Jesus was a busy man. He healed people, performed various miracles, traveled from places to places to teach others, etc. And yet He found time to go to a "solitary place, where he prayed. Mark 1:35" He took time out of His "schedule" to seek the Father and talk to Him. And He didn't want any distractions. He went to a quiet place where He can spend time with His Father... alone. How many times have I said that I'm going to spend quiet, alone time with God and end up multi-tasking with the TV on, with googletalk on, and my Bible open? How many times have I put other things first when I could be spending time with God? Far too many. And reading that verse this week... it's like a dagger through the heart. God reminded me not to forsake my relationship with Him. He wants alone time with me. Man! That's so awesome. Why would He want that? I mean, I have ADD and at times all I really do is cry and whine and complain. But He does, He wants time with me. And that's humbling. Who am I to refuse? Who am I to ignore the Almighty God? This verse was a very good reminder. Father God, thank You for Your Word. Thank You for the privilege to talk to You. Thank You that You've never and You will never give up on me, even when I fail You. Thank You for second... oh, who am I kidding?... infinitieth chances. I love You.

So yeah, I'm done now.
Good night. Man, Arrrrr... that coffee is gonna keep me up all night. Oh well, there's the olympics. Go Phelps!

LYN

fun weekend... so far :D

i have issues. but then, who doesn't?

i have issues that make me bawl in front of more than ten women... issues that make me clam up and use silence as my form of communication. i really appreciated GK's response to "my incident." she's awesome. and then she was soooo attentive the whole night. *uh-huh, lyn wants the fan on coz she's hot.* ((blushes)) thanks. haha.

i felt God's Spirit last night. yes, yes, i only occasionally do. don't show off if you feel it more than thrice a day. grrr. haha. anywayyss, it was telling me to do something that i felt i wasn't ready to do. being my stubborn and prideful self, i didn't listen. bad idea. hence, the bawling. but that's just my personality. i hate crying. i hate talking while crying. i hate showing people how fragile i really am. and it's not that i don't know that i shouldn't deal with things on my own. i repeat. i'm stubborn and prideful. but... i'm pretty sure God will change that. omg, i don't even know why i'm gonna wait til then. gah!

today was fun. AHP lady needing WD40. me to the rescue. more house-hunting. pugs with scary teeth. tuna melt. two cups of iced coffee. the "peaches" song. downtown disney. summer olympics swimming. house of blues. shoe shopping. scenic ((ooo... look at the moon!!)) drive back. natasha beddingfield finding the recipe for creativity. future sta catalina trip. amazing women: TB, SC, Vee. Yayyy!!!

Good night.
LYN

lalala *whistles* lalala.

I wish I was more motivated to go to the gym. :D

I miss Jimi. I can't wait to see her again. :D :D

  Hanging out with me and Vee at home means watching FRIENDS reruns or drooling over whatever they're cooking on Food Network. :D :D :D

***

There are days when I don't like myself. I suppose I can be my worst critic. 

Anti-offshore drilling? Pro-offshore drilling? How about we do what we can now AND do what we can for later. That means yes to what will help American consumers now AND yes to pursuing alternative energy research and development. 

I don't like negative campaigning. I don't like it when candidates are proud of their negative campaigning. I don't like it when candidates don't admit to their flip flops. Flip-flopping, however, is acceptable when there is good reason to jump to the other side of the fence. They're allowed to change their minds. Just don't do it if it's only for political gain. 

I'm supposed to be clothed in "compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." I need to lose more "weight" to fit into those "clothes." Maybe I'll go running with Jesus. Or do weight-training with HS. ORRRR... I can spend all day with God: biking, hiking, rock climbing, strolling on the beach, running(!!!), etc. Oooo... that sounds really fun. I bet God is the best belayer ever. He doesn't even need a harness and a rope. He'll just speak it and He'll gently and slowly let me down from my Everest. AND while we're doing all that, I bet He won't get tired of me talking and singing and laughing and talking and singing and laughing. :D

*** 

I want a hammock. Exactly like the one I sat on that one Saturday at Seaport Village. With that, I'll have a fruity alcoholic drink. Or a "yoohoo with a funny straw" like Chandler. And a good book. Or a boyfriend. :P

LYN

the present

If it's purity you crave, buy a fancy diamond. The last thing we need in Washington is more ideological rigidity, litmus testing, and inaction caused by egotistical refusal to bend.

Jon Keller blogs regularly for WBZ-TV Boston at Keller @ Large

***

Sometimes I feel like I'm just running aimlessly. I haven't the slightest idea where I'm being led or am being guided to. Most of the time, I trust that I'm headed for something "good and perfect;" but other times I get scared that I'm just wasting my life, doing what I'm doing now. And I'm not just talking about my job; I'm talking about my whole life.

The drive that normally feels like forever was a lot shorter today. It still took me an hour and a half, but I was very occupied with thoughts of a lot of semi-random things. Most of them were memories... of the Philippines when I was growing up, of my first year in college at UCSD, of the first time I met the people I hang out with regularly now, etc. I can't explain why, but there were moments when a wave of sadness would overcome me. ((shrugs)) I miss the past, I guess?

Even now, I'm trying really hard not to entertain

1. the fear of the uncertainty of the future and

2. the sad longing for the past.

I know I have to do it, but I'll be the first to admit that it's difficult to focus on just today. It's hard not to worry and it's hard not to think of the "what could've beens" and the "what ifs." But come to think of it, I guess it'll be more of a waste of my life if spend it doing those things. Sighs. Jesus, I'll be here listening and waiting ok? Just tell me where to go, what to do, which cross to take up. Yell at me, if You have to. Well, who am I kidding? Not if... You really have to yell it out to me. I know You have so much more in store for me. It's gotta be more than what I am or am not... it's more than what I have or don't have... it's more than what I'm doing or not doing... You got me in Your hands. So I'm good.

I'll try hard not to be scared or lonely in the meantime. You let me know when I'm ready to know. I'll just trust that that time will come. And I'll trust that what that is, well, it will just blow my mind.

<3

i do believe i lost some of my sanity back there.

obamamania.
that's what they're calling it.
endless media coverage. strange fascination. eloquent speeches.rallies that draw crowds by the ten thousands. the europeans certainly like him. change. new America. likeable America? "carrots and sticks."

***

my title has nothing to do with this blog by the way.
hello? *rolls eyes* do i ever make sense?

unpredictable, but vanilla. coherent randomness.
please don't define me.
HE defines me. only HE can.

i'm confused. i'm confusing. i'm not trying to be poetic here. :)
LYN

omg, i need to go to bed

still pretty wired... and it's 1:12am. that's what i get for getting a chai tea latte at 9ish, i guess. you'd think the caffeine would've worn out by now, but i guess not.

anyway... wow. a very interesting day today.
after work, "Vee" (^_^) and i checked out prospective apartments. we basically just drove by the neighborhoods and judged the "books" by their covers. out of the nine we surveyed, we crossed out six. some of them were shady looking and once Vee says "ummm..." it's pretty much over. hahaha. there's no way we're living there dude. :) yeah, we'll leave this matter up to God. **but God, can we please have the one in SR, the first one we looked at???** teehee.

then we spent, hrmm, three and a half hours at a house i seem to have trouble getting out of. :D i swear, whenever i end up at their house, i can't seem to leave. it also seems like time goes by really quickly in there. one minute it was 10pm, and then the next it would be 1230am. gah! is there such a thing as spending too much time with people? coz i think there's no such thing. i can never get tired of hanging out with my big bro and *yay* my big sis. :D he, with his "serious" face that cracks me up. seriously, i don't think i can look at him when he has that "face" on. and she, with her really endearing OCD and undisputed mastery of the red/white/silver-berry. sighs. i love these people.

ok, i'm winding down a little.

<3
/\/\
O O
> o <
\___/

LYN

unfinished thoughts

A sister/friend prayed for me today... without me having to ask. :) And not suprisingly, I felt a lot better. But then I got to thinking, why didn't I pray for myself? Why did I let myself wallow in my semi-depressed, semi-apathetic state? Why do I always wait for things to pass, instead of bringing it to God as soon as I feel down/defeated/restless/kinda off, etc?
((three hours later))
Sighs. I still haven’t figured out what the answer(s) is/are to those questions.
I guess praying is just something I need to do and keep doing. Yeah… for now, that’ll be my answer. I will keep thinking about that though.


"No one who lives in Him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him." -- 1 John 3:6

Ok, I'll post my thoughts on the above verse sometime later. I can't seem to finish writing it. :)

***
Ok, before this blog becomes unfinished forever, I better tackle the very difficult task (for me, anyway) of completing a thought "on paper."

Regarding the above verse: so.... does that mean that Christians are perfectly sinless? Uh, no. I can testify that that statement is absurd and completely false. :D

The beauty of studying the Bible (as opposed to just reading it) is that you learn to interpret things properly. PB always stressed looking at context: exegesis and hermeneutics. Another thing that JJ brought up is the translation. The original text of the Bible was written in Hebrew or Greek. It's important to keep this in mind because some things get lost in translation. For example, in 1 John 1:5 and 1:6, the word "darkness" is used, but looking at the original Greek, the two words do not describe the same "darkness." The one in verse 5 is actually referring to "the spiritual or moral darkness as a consequence of sin " whereas the one in verse 6 refers to "darkness that is the essence of sin."

Anyway, translation is important. :)
So for the above verse that caught my eye from the first epistle of John, chapter three... at first glance, I was like "HUH???" Didn't the same John just talk about the fact that "if we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us?" So what is the apostle really getting at? Ah, well... according to David Guzik, it is important to note that the verb used in the verse is in the present tense. Which I guess in Greek implied "habit, continuity, and unbroken sequence." So when John wrote the above verse, he was referring to a habitual, lifestyle of sinning. It's the stuff you know is not right and won't please God but you do it... again and again and again. And it's not just the doing it over and over and over that makes it wrong... it's also the attitude that we have when we're confronted by the temptation of committing that sin. Do we think "well, God is going to forgive me anyway so might as well?" Do we think "it's just one more time... i won't do it again?" OR do we come to Jesus' feet to confess the sin AND really fight hard and die to ourselves so we don't keep sinning anymore? Like PS said, it's all about the condition of the heart. Are we living a sinful lifestyle and totally not feeling guilty about it? Or are we allowing the Holy Spirit to take over our hearts to win those inner struggles against our flesh?

It's not that Christians are perfect and sinless. Oh trust me, some of us need A LOTTTT of "molding and shaping" and probably some spanking from God. ;P
But if we truly love God and we live in Him and know Him, we will strive to have victory over our own flesh, our own sinful nature. We'll try to be holy as HE is holy.

***

i'm still up because i'm scared

after watching "the dark knight," i thought of calling two people. but since it's past 1am, i thought i shouldn't. but dude, i'm creeped out... and i feel a little disturbed, spiritually. on my drive home, images kept flashing in my head of the joker... bits and pieces of his menacing and taunting "smile" and all of his explosive, goosebump-inducing scenes. that movie is DARK. i've never been so creeped out by a movie. and i've never been left so speechless... i walked out of the theater with trina and all i could gather to say was "i have to use the restroom." i didn't even know whether to clap or sob or just keep staring at the screen during the credits. but it was AWESOME. heath ledger was SPECTACULARLY GOOD. he played the joker really well. there was almost something in the joker's character that made me... like him. that's partly why i'm creeped out. he's insane, he's ruthless, he's so screwed up. but wow, a part of me likes him... which is so disturbing.

anyway, i don't know what time i'll actually fall asleep. i'm a little wired still... and i'm probably going to continue thinking about what i had just watched. i haven't decided yet whether i like the movie or not. don't get me wrong. it was REALLY GOOD. but like in korean language, there's a difference between choayo (something is good) and choa haeyo (i like that something). we'll see...

good night.
oh, come on, "why so serious?"

:D
LYN

i'm no kate moss... so, no, i can't fit through a freakin needle

waahhh... **here comes the whining**... i feel like i gained weight. :( i shouldn't have eaten ((enter list of ridiculous non-nutritious stuff here)). and to have done it for four straight days! gah! and when was the last time i went to the gym? ((thinks)) oh, it was only yesterday. but that was after not having gone for a total of **ready for this?** six freakin days. THIS is what happens when i get semi-obsessed with my weight. seriously. some people don't understand the pressure women face these days. have you all seen the dove commercial about how they help out with educating little girls on how to view themselves positively??? yeah... at this day and age, we need makers of soap and shampoo and what not to tell our kids they are beautiful. because now all they're growing up with are images of really super tiny people who are supposedly gorgeous. we're bombarded with society's beauty standards through media and sometimes, even worse, our own families and friends. and then we end up starving ourselves, feeling guilty because of that one cookie we ate at lunch, spending countless hours at the gym (this is not fun when there's no guy to gawk at), blaming ourselves for not having that self-control. i say "we" but i mean "me". who am i doing this for? i say that i just want to be fit and healthy... but really, there's this other voice inside of my head that tells me that i'm not pretty enough or skinny enough. it's hard to not listen. so i obsess about it and plan the week ahead with countless exercises... but for what? it feels a little better afterwards but the voice is still there. it takes all of me (and a lotttt of Jesus) to not take it to the extreme. to not have the voice take over. it's a struggle but i'm fighting on. i love food too much to give it up. :D so shut up, other voice. i'mma win this fight... sometime... somehow.

four truths, two lies... (this blog is all about meeh!)

let's see if any of you really know me...

i run funny.
i tend to drink alcoholic bevs too fast.
i've read the whole Bible once.
i've moved five times since i graduated college.
i've finished one other book since i read "the shack."
i sleep with the lights on.


***

randomness.
i like food, but i hesitate to try unusual or exotic food. (let's just stick to chicken, please.)
my two biggest pet peeve are flaky people and people who are chronically tardy.
i don't like crying in front of people. and if you cry in front of me, i will make tons of stupid jokes and talk incessantly. don't expect anything else.
when i run, i pick a spot in the distance as my stopping point but usually when i get there, i don't feel like stopping so i do the process all over until i'm done with my run.
i have yet to finish the seven books that i've started reading within the past year.
i like doing repetitive stuff. i don't like doing repetitive stuff.
i'm fickle.
you can talk to me about anything. but i'm pretty sure by the end of our conversation, it will be nothing like that anything that we started with.
i like reading editorials. occasionally i find really witty ones... and i think about how great it would be if i were witty AND able to write well.
i LOOOOOOOVE kit kats. i ate most of the kit kats at work from our "general store."
i don't laugh at jokes that aren't funny.
i always try to be honest about everything.
i consider myself really skilled at reading people's body languages. so i can tell when you don't want to talk, don't want to hang out, don't want to share your food. but that doesn't mean i'll let you not talk or hang out or share your food. OK?

alright, that's it for now.
go back to whatever you were doing.

LYN

snacks and authorities

Random-ism. I can eat snacks all day. Well... nowadays, the thought of ballooning up like the axiom inhabitants (from the movie Wall-E) creeps up and makes me not want to, but technically, I can eat snacks all day. I grocery shopped with one of my favorite people today (PAIGEEEEE!!!)... and I bought all kinds of snacky stuff. Yup, they're all sitting on the floor of my room and I'm really tempted to eat 'em all... but I just brushed my teeth and... I really, really shouldn't because it's almost my bedtime. :D

OK... moving on...

I've been thinking about what was said about the government from the Tuesday small group's Bible study. PB referred to Romans 13:1-7 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%2013:1-7;&version=31;) and explained that God instituted the government for the good of the people. Without any governing authorities and their laws, the world will be in total chaos. The government was established to serve the people... but because we live in a broken world, we see corruption, greed, selfishness, and in some cases, a disregard to individual's rights, in certain governments.

So what do we do about that?

Ah, the apostle Paul tells us to "submit to authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience." Hmm... but don't get it wrong. Even if we are told to submit to our present government, we still bear allegiance to God. So when do we draw the line on this submission? When do we say "ok, um, Mr. President, you've crossed the line there. We stop following you now and... yeah, um..yeah." (I imagine being stutter-y when I find myself in front of a really powerful man.. hello? He has control over nuclear bombs and stuff.) A more important questions is, how do we draw the line? How do we show our allegiance to God when our government has strayed from Him? We can sign petitions, we can protest, we can pray earnestly, we can shake our heads over the sunday newspaper, we can blog about it, blah blah blah. GAHHH!!! It seems like we can never do enough. All I have is the hope of that one day when there will no longer be any presidents or prime ministers or kings or whatever... There will just be Jesus who will reign over all and I won't have to worry about these stuff anymore. When we won't have to compromise our religion anymore for the sake of being PC or risk being called intolerant or judgmental for our beliefs. I can't wait for that day... I look forward to submitting to that One Authority.

inside LYN's brain...

Have you watched "Paris je t'aime?"
Well, my brain works like that movie. Short, random stories popping in and out of the small screen in my head. :) I imagine many short trains instead of one long train of thought.
Anyway... here's my random thought of the day...

You know when people say "what would Jesus do?" Well... in the case of Election '08, what would Jesus do? Who would He vote for? A friend said to me that we'll never have a candidate that God would endorse. Because this candidate won't even get past the primary. So that got me thinking... I want to see changes in our government. And I see change embodied in one candidate. I think you know who I'm talking about. :) But he's not necessarily someone Jesus would vote for. I mean, he's stirred controversy when he (according to some conservatives) "distorted the Bible." (Please see it for yourself and form your own opinion on this. Read it: http://santitafarella.wordpress.com/2008/06/25/the-text-of-barack-obamas-speech-on-religion-june-25-08/). He also has very pro-choice records on abortion and has opposed a constitutional ban on gay marriages. But it's not like the other candidate is any better. I swear, it's almost like we just have to choose the "lesser evil" or something.

Anyway, so really, what would Jesus do? Don't tell me this... that's He'll do the right thing. That's still vague, isn't it? What is the right thing?

Well, I'll close with this. DO YOUR RESEARCH. BE WELL-INFORMED. GO OUT AND VOTE. STAND FOR WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN. With our vote, we help form the path our country will take in the next four years. Wouldn't you want to be part of that?