Pattern

11-23-2013

There are people we meet who are not there to stay, but whose purpose is to make us realize something about ourselves or the current pattern of our lives. I met such a person weeks ago; he did not seem significant then. He did not become a friend, but he did weave a thread. We went out once and had a good time chatting about a certain novel and climbing... I experienced emotions I had tucked away after my last failed relationship and I caught myself. This man is not the one. That was evident when I told him a white lie during our getting-to-know-each-other stage. I was trying to be someone I'm not. Not a good sign. As I realized days later, he isn't the one for multiple other reasons. BUT here is the silver lining. The wonderful realization that dawned on me IS THAT I HAVE MOVED ON. I have moved on from my two-year roller coaster of a relationship with someone I still love dearly but who is also not the right man for me. What a freeing feeling! I felt it even on the day I stumbled onto a picture of my ex-boyfriend with his new girl. I had this grin on my face when I saw it because I felt only happiness for him. For us, because we had chosen to let go and find true love elsewhere. Anyway, I suppose I would've found out sooner or later about my moving on, even without the other guy's help. But he was thrown into the pattern of my life and though he did not cause a great shift himself, the short-lived thing (an inch of a thread?) with him allowed me to see that at least the pattern is being woven. There are imperfect parts in it but as a whole, when it is put together, it remains beautiful. :)

>.<

i've been learning more about myself lately. here are some of them:

... i lean more towards the pessimistic and cynical side ...
... i have only a little bit of faith on people. i found out most of it have been placed on myself. if there's anyone who won't fail me, it's myself. :-\ but i did learn that there's a part of me that seriously wants to reach out and be reached out to ...
... i hide behind indifference ...
... i dislike being micromanaged or overshadowed or operating on someone else's schedule ...
... i'm still waiting for God to show me ...
... i'm a pretty good liar. and i'm not lying right now ...
... i feel bad for myself -- i have to hear my thoughts ALL the freakin time. i know that sounds crazy, but seriously, sometimes this brain goes on overdrive! ...

that's all i want to share.
L

:)

quote of the day (from stumbling online)

Sephira

I knew you loved me when you came back inside the restaurant laughing after running across the street through traffic in freezing rain, to check on what I thought was a hurt bird, and turned out to be cardboard flapping over a ventilation shaft.

God, You are definitely awesome.

yet another long day. sighs.
but God never fails to lift me up somehow. :D

J, this blog is for you. I haven't got much to say but I do agree that bloggerland has been semi-abandoned these past several (?) weeks. so i'm blogging now about how mundane my life is (90% work) with tidbits of really amusing and grin-inducing moments. can't complain, really.

looking forward to what God has for me tomorrow.
L

I like this picture. It was of the cousins, taken at the University of the Philippines in Los Banos. I don't know which one is me. Haha.

L

rock climbing 090521

good times. :)
we gotta do this again!

btw why am i always in this awkward pose??
hehe.
L

lookie! old twinnie pic!

can you tell which one is moi?

teehee. K, don't say anything. :D

so apparently when i was little, i looked sickly and i was always crying my tear glands dry. my family's theory is that my sister, who was a bit stronger than i was, always took stuff from me -- like food or milk -- so i was skinnier and more temperamental. *shrugs*

my family also called me "maldita" (loose translation: mean, snobby. it's actually a spanish word for wicked or the devil. eeks.) i think i'm still "maldita". my bro-in-law can attest to that. :D whoever thinks that i can't be mean... well, you've got a lot to learn about me. haha.

anywhos... i miss our old PI house. sometimes i google its address just to look at the neighborhood... it brings up so many memories -- both pleasant and unpleasant. i remember the gate that blocked my sister and i from joining the playing kids outside. the chico and kaymito trees whose fruits end up mostly on the ground. the house that was decorated with Christmas lights year-round... my sister and i used to turn them on and pretend that we were newscasters or singers. the orchids that my mom canNOT grow -- she swears they hate her. the old-school TV, stereo, electric fan. the sofas that we weren't allowed to sit on. the stuffed toys that hid behind their plastic bags. the little alley maybe seven or eight houses up the street that we used to cross to get to the store that sold ice candy. the RC church at the end of the street where we lit candles (i don't know if those were free) instead of paying attention to the sermon. so much come to mind but i'll stop there. :D

sighs.

i loved that segment of my life.
but i love my life now too.
wherever i end up in the future, i know i'll google my old SD addresses too... just to remember and appreciate where i've been. it's the SD era. :)

L