randomest randomies

ok, i'm really excited to hear Barack Obama's speech tonight at the last day of the Democratic National Convention. :)

"HS giddiness." i'mma revel in it for a bit. before i burst my own bubble.

did EC just call me "gangsta???" that guy cracks me up.

per TD: i wouldn't mind the icing on the cake, but the cake itself is good enough!

i think i can be a bit stubborn. and i think i can be rude. yeah...

ok, i'm ready for the long weekend. yay!!!

LYN

i <3 ate tina

... just wanted to put that out there. hahaha.

:D

i also (heart) GOD very much.
LYN

read...

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/25/opinion/25cohen.html

run!

I want to live like the way I run.
When I go running, I pick a spot in the distance as a kind of milestone where I can either stop and start walking or suck it up and keep running. But until I get there, I go at it hard, all the while enjoying the fresh air and the fact that I can still do such an activity. I really am blessed; I thank God for my legs. Running is probably the only sport I consider myself to be good at. :) Anyway, the way I live is different. People say I'm carefree. But that's probably just the way I come off. I want to live carefree. But there's chaos in my head-- thoughts that prevent me from completely trusting Him. I think so much about where I want to be that I forget to live in the here and now. My head gets filled with thoughts of that finish line (whatever that is) that I don't get as much from living as I possibly can. I can hear God saying, "child, you only need to make it to this tree, your milestone, and you're good for the hour... for the day... for the week." I can hear Him telling me all about the beauty of the present, but there's background noise. Noise coming from my desire to get to "it" already... from my doubts that He will actually make things happen for me. So I ignore God's voice... and continue with my futile attempt to get to that finish line. Then I ask God "why is life so hard? When are you going to do this for me? Am I supposed to be content at my current state?" And in my frustration and anger, His voice gets all the more drowned by more background noise. Here's when those other questions come: "Why are you not listening to me? Why don't I hear you? Are you there??? Didn't you promise me a fruitful and fulfilling life? So why am I stuck here??? When am I going to catch a break? I want to see you, hear you... why can't I do that?" But it's not Your fault. It's my own damn fault. And it breaks my heart to even imagine the pain I cause You. When I lay aside my doubts, my questions, my emotions... that's when I see You. I see Your hand trying to take mine... I see that blessed milestone... but more importantly, I realize how amazing and truly fulfilling and fruitful the journey is with You. And I hear You. I hear You laugh when no one else does... I hear You whisper comfort when in my helplessness, all I can do is cry... I hear Your rah, rah, rahs... so I can get to that milestone... I hear Your promises of that finish line.
I want to live like that. In complete surrender and trust in You.
I learn every moment to surrender and trust. Thank you for my infinite second chances.

LYN

oh, the pathetic attempt of the radical right-wingers...

http://politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2008/aug/20/obama-nation-corsi-facts-fire/

my desk...

... is relatively neat, I guess.

I've got tons of printed articles, protocols, notes, manuals, all stacked "neatly" on the shelf above my desk. I've got a hanger, a lanyard, USB cable, a book on Colossians, file folders, ibuprofen, an empty tupperware, mint, my nerdy invitrogen calendar, my mug with three handles, and of course, a mugful of pens and assorted colored highlighters. There's also a box of instant oatmeal that now serves as the speaker stand and a couple of lovely notes from BV. Oh yeah, there's a vanilla nut granola bar sitting on the side... the bar that SC gave me like days ago. It will be eaten, for sure. Just haven't had the craving for vanilla yet.

Why am I talking about my desk, anyway? Ah well... you get a "feel" for me, for my personality by looking at my tiny office. :) Just like how McCain's and Obama's offices say something about them. There was an article written about that... I should add the link here, but I know none of you will read it. ;P Anywhos... am I a clean-freak? Heck no. There are dust bunnies collecting right behind my monitor already. I am, however, a neat-freak. But it's neat, according to me. You won't look at my desk and be amazed at how organized things are. But it looks neat enough and it's organized enough for me to find things without turning it upside down. And who has a hanger on their desks anyway? Don't even know why that's there, but I think it adds a nice touch to the whole visage. <-- that is totally not a word I would use in in-person convos. Thanks, dictionary.com. muahahaha. So what does it say about me? Well... I drink too much coffee, I get headaches often, I'm obsessed with many different colors of highlighters, and well, that I don't mind keeping random things on my desk. I think the semi-neat-freakness also reflects my attempt to control things, to put my life in a semi-neat order... but also realizing that sometimes disarray is okay. It's out of the random muddle that God shows His greatness at making things ordered and serenely in place. My life may be a mess and like in the book The Shack, my heart may be in complete chaos, but God finds beauty in that and makes everything work out for my good and for His glory. Amazing, right? ok, so excited for the weekend. Yay!! LYN

and another one...

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/chi-oped0821goldbergaug21,0,7117235.story

read...

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/17/opinion/17rich.html?ref=opinion

i feel...

... tired, but tenacious;
... anxious, but hopeful;
... at times sad, but joyful;
... incomplete, but living a life with many blessings and much love.

one's gotta be REALLY ignorant to believe all the LIES that these radical right-wingers write and talk about. we live in a perverted world where people influence others to fear difference. different culture, different religion, different beliefs, different races, etc.
if McCain does not denounce this kind of fear-mongering, it says something about him and how "dirty" he would go in his campaign. and even if i don't like some of Obama's policies, i will never vote for someone who would use fear to get himself elected.
it makes me mad, seriously.

***

LYN

GoOd StUfF

Had a GRRREAT study tonight at PS's. I really benefit just from listening to the discussion. Tonight I learned a lot... from the insight that PS has of the Word and the resulting dialogue from it. I especially liked the part when PS asked what we can learn from Simon's mother-in-law (Mark 1: 29-31) and how can we apply this to our lives.
Gratitude that results in obedience and serving God and His people.
To paraphrase: "We've all experienced a form of healing. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually. And out of gratitude, we are to serve God just like Simon's mother-in-law served Jesus and the disciples as soon as she was healed. We're called to serve and love others and that is how we show how grateful we are to Him who has saved us and loved us first." Love it.

My thoughts on Mark chapter 1. As many of you know, I hardly talk in big discussion groups. I felt compelled to share once or twice tonight, but of course in the end, I kept it to myself. One of these days, I will overcome this hurdle of not being able to speak to a large audience. (Hey, maybe I SHOULD take that public speaking course NOW, which is also a pre-req for Pharm School.) Anyway, thoughts were brewing in my head during discussion. A couple of things:
i. the Temptation.
ii. Quiet time

Temptation. I actually had a question on this but the overthinking and hesitating to speak actually led to an answer. :D The verse says "At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert..." In other versions, the word sent is replaced with "driveth" or "compelled." This was the same Spirit that descended on Jesus "like a dove." At first read, I thought about it and I wondered, "so the Holy Spirit wants Jesus to be tempted?" Of course, Jesus will not sin so it's pretty futile for Satan to even try. But if the Holy Spirit sent Jesus to be tempted, then doesn't that mean that He also sends US to be tempted? Then I started wondering about why in the Lord's Prayer, this prayer is included: "and lead us not into temptation." Here's the thing that I realized though. The Holy Spirit... GOD... is NOT the one doing the tempting. It is Satan.. the evil one... who is responsible for it. God only ALLOWS us to be tempted. Maybe the path that He has for us includes thick, scary forests or deserts with wild beasts in which we are to be tempted, tested... but if we know Him and His Word (in which there is promise of victory), we can overcome this temptation and see the clearing at the end of the forest or come to a resting place in that desert where we can be attended to by our angels. Yes, we are tempted, but if we walk in God's light, sin should no longer have a hold on us. We are victorious over sin... through Christ.

Quiet time. One word: convicted. Jesus was a busy man. He healed people, performed various miracles, traveled from places to places to teach others, etc. And yet He found time to go to a "solitary place, where he prayed. Mark 1:35" He took time out of His "schedule" to seek the Father and talk to Him. And He didn't want any distractions. He went to a quiet place where He can spend time with His Father... alone. How many times have I said that I'm going to spend quiet, alone time with God and end up multi-tasking with the TV on, with googletalk on, and my Bible open? How many times have I put other things first when I could be spending time with God? Far too many. And reading that verse this week... it's like a dagger through the heart. God reminded me not to forsake my relationship with Him. He wants alone time with me. Man! That's so awesome. Why would He want that? I mean, I have ADD and at times all I really do is cry and whine and complain. But He does, He wants time with me. And that's humbling. Who am I to refuse? Who am I to ignore the Almighty God? This verse was a very good reminder. Father God, thank You for Your Word. Thank You for the privilege to talk to You. Thank You that You've never and You will never give up on me, even when I fail You. Thank You for second... oh, who am I kidding?... infinitieth chances. I love You.

So yeah, I'm done now.
Good night. Man, Arrrrr... that coffee is gonna keep me up all night. Oh well, there's the olympics. Go Phelps!

LYN

fun weekend... so far :D

i have issues. but then, who doesn't?

i have issues that make me bawl in front of more than ten women... issues that make me clam up and use silence as my form of communication. i really appreciated GK's response to "my incident." she's awesome. and then she was soooo attentive the whole night. *uh-huh, lyn wants the fan on coz she's hot.* ((blushes)) thanks. haha.

i felt God's Spirit last night. yes, yes, i only occasionally do. don't show off if you feel it more than thrice a day. grrr. haha. anywayyss, it was telling me to do something that i felt i wasn't ready to do. being my stubborn and prideful self, i didn't listen. bad idea. hence, the bawling. but that's just my personality. i hate crying. i hate talking while crying. i hate showing people how fragile i really am. and it's not that i don't know that i shouldn't deal with things on my own. i repeat. i'm stubborn and prideful. but... i'm pretty sure God will change that. omg, i don't even know why i'm gonna wait til then. gah!

today was fun. AHP lady needing WD40. me to the rescue. more house-hunting. pugs with scary teeth. tuna melt. two cups of iced coffee. the "peaches" song. downtown disney. summer olympics swimming. house of blues. shoe shopping. scenic ((ooo... look at the moon!!)) drive back. natasha beddingfield finding the recipe for creativity. future sta catalina trip. amazing women: TB, SC, Vee. Yayyy!!!

Good night.
LYN

lalala *whistles* lalala.

I wish I was more motivated to go to the gym. :D

I miss Jimi. I can't wait to see her again. :D :D

  Hanging out with me and Vee at home means watching FRIENDS reruns or drooling over whatever they're cooking on Food Network. :D :D :D

***

There are days when I don't like myself. I suppose I can be my worst critic. 

Anti-offshore drilling? Pro-offshore drilling? How about we do what we can now AND do what we can for later. That means yes to what will help American consumers now AND yes to pursuing alternative energy research and development. 

I don't like negative campaigning. I don't like it when candidates are proud of their negative campaigning. I don't like it when candidates don't admit to their flip flops. Flip-flopping, however, is acceptable when there is good reason to jump to the other side of the fence. They're allowed to change their minds. Just don't do it if it's only for political gain. 

I'm supposed to be clothed in "compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." I need to lose more "weight" to fit into those "clothes." Maybe I'll go running with Jesus. Or do weight-training with HS. ORRRR... I can spend all day with God: biking, hiking, rock climbing, strolling on the beach, running(!!!), etc. Oooo... that sounds really fun. I bet God is the best belayer ever. He doesn't even need a harness and a rope. He'll just speak it and He'll gently and slowly let me down from my Everest. AND while we're doing all that, I bet He won't get tired of me talking and singing and laughing and talking and singing and laughing. :D

*** 

I want a hammock. Exactly like the one I sat on that one Saturday at Seaport Village. With that, I'll have a fruity alcoholic drink. Or a "yoohoo with a funny straw" like Chandler. And a good book. Or a boyfriend. :P

LYN

the present

If it's purity you crave, buy a fancy diamond. The last thing we need in Washington is more ideological rigidity, litmus testing, and inaction caused by egotistical refusal to bend.

Jon Keller blogs regularly for WBZ-TV Boston at Keller @ Large

***

Sometimes I feel like I'm just running aimlessly. I haven't the slightest idea where I'm being led or am being guided to. Most of the time, I trust that I'm headed for something "good and perfect;" but other times I get scared that I'm just wasting my life, doing what I'm doing now. And I'm not just talking about my job; I'm talking about my whole life.

The drive that normally feels like forever was a lot shorter today. It still took me an hour and a half, but I was very occupied with thoughts of a lot of semi-random things. Most of them were memories... of the Philippines when I was growing up, of my first year in college at UCSD, of the first time I met the people I hang out with regularly now, etc. I can't explain why, but there were moments when a wave of sadness would overcome me. ((shrugs)) I miss the past, I guess?

Even now, I'm trying really hard not to entertain

1. the fear of the uncertainty of the future and

2. the sad longing for the past.

I know I have to do it, but I'll be the first to admit that it's difficult to focus on just today. It's hard not to worry and it's hard not to think of the "what could've beens" and the "what ifs." But come to think of it, I guess it'll be more of a waste of my life if spend it doing those things. Sighs. Jesus, I'll be here listening and waiting ok? Just tell me where to go, what to do, which cross to take up. Yell at me, if You have to. Well, who am I kidding? Not if... You really have to yell it out to me. I know You have so much more in store for me. It's gotta be more than what I am or am not... it's more than what I have or don't have... it's more than what I'm doing or not doing... You got me in Your hands. So I'm good.

I'll try hard not to be scared or lonely in the meantime. You let me know when I'm ready to know. I'll just trust that that time will come. And I'll trust that what that is, well, it will just blow my mind.

<3