ok, this is silly. whenever i do take the time to sit and try to blog, i can't come up with anything to say. sighs.
i can't tell you how many times my head would be overflowing with ideas and new thoughts. my mind filled with so many that i can't seem to sort them out and organize them well enough to write them... and actually make sense. just now, i thought i could write... but here i am again, in front of the keyboard, struggling to find anything meaningful to say.
but let's try it. and see where it gets me.
there's something oddly comfortable about being alone in the apartment. the christmas lights on the small tree are on and the way the colors are changing is almost hypnotizing. i guess i can sit here and watch it all day. and the odd thing is, i'm ok with doing that. it's not like i can really go anywhere... i'm still a bit sick and the headache comes and goes. i had been in bed until 1045am when my body reminded me of its physical need. so i had mac and cheese with spam. not at all satisfying (as i type, i'm feeling hungry again)... but at that time, i didn't care. i was too eager to eat anything to really think about what i REALLY wanted to eat. anyway, just before i got out of bed, i had a sinking feeling... as if i already knew how slow and uneventful today is going to be. of course, i'm comparing my life with bella's... and yes, as opposed to her drama-filled life, mine's a bit mundane. but gah, what i would give to have a little excitement. just a teeny-weeny bit. anyway, there's nothing i can do to change the course of my life. i can only really change my attitude about it.
but come to think of it, i don't think my life's supposed to be slow and uneventful. i really don't want to accept that. i refuse to, anyway. i want to discover new things, experience new things, and learn new things. i want to live... really live. the way God expects and wants me to live. joyful, hopeful, peaceful... i want to find meaning and purpose in everything. and i want to live with meaning and purpose. i want to find myself immersed in the beauty of love: romantic love, friendship love, etc. i want to find God then find the one i'm supposed to be with in this lifetime. i want to love and be loved.
i want sooooo many things.
is it ok to want a lot of things? is it enough to want them?
will i love Him, even when i get disappointed?
i guess i should just stare at my tree. when i get to thinking about these wants, i feel an ache in me. i guess i must want those things badly.
well, ok, it's getting hard to keep track of my thoughts. honestly, what i've written here is only a hundredth of what's going through my head. but you all can't know everything. :)
tata for now,
LYN
i can't tell you how many times my head would be overflowing with ideas and new thoughts. my mind filled with so many that i can't seem to sort them out and organize them well enough to write them... and actually make sense. just now, i thought i could write... but here i am again, in front of the keyboard, struggling to find anything meaningful to say.
but let's try it. and see where it gets me.
there's something oddly comfortable about being alone in the apartment. the christmas lights on the small tree are on and the way the colors are changing is almost hypnotizing. i guess i can sit here and watch it all day. and the odd thing is, i'm ok with doing that. it's not like i can really go anywhere... i'm still a bit sick and the headache comes and goes. i had been in bed until 1045am when my body reminded me of its physical need. so i had mac and cheese with spam. not at all satisfying (as i type, i'm feeling hungry again)... but at that time, i didn't care. i was too eager to eat anything to really think about what i REALLY wanted to eat. anyway, just before i got out of bed, i had a sinking feeling... as if i already knew how slow and uneventful today is going to be. of course, i'm comparing my life with bella's... and yes, as opposed to her drama-filled life, mine's a bit mundane. but gah, what i would give to have a little excitement. just a teeny-weeny bit. anyway, there's nothing i can do to change the course of my life. i can only really change my attitude about it.
but come to think of it, i don't think my life's supposed to be slow and uneventful. i really don't want to accept that. i refuse to, anyway. i want to discover new things, experience new things, and learn new things. i want to live... really live. the way God expects and wants me to live. joyful, hopeful, peaceful... i want to find meaning and purpose in everything. and i want to live with meaning and purpose. i want to find myself immersed in the beauty of love: romantic love, friendship love, etc. i want to find God then find the one i'm supposed to be with in this lifetime. i want to love and be loved.
i want sooooo many things.
is it ok to want a lot of things? is it enough to want them?
will i love Him, even when i get disappointed?
i guess i should just stare at my tree. when i get to thinking about these wants, i feel an ache in me. i guess i must want those things badly.
well, ok, it's getting hard to keep track of my thoughts. honestly, what i've written here is only a hundredth of what's going through my head. but you all can't know everything. :)
tata for now,
LYN
1 comment:
LoL you went into bLogging overLoad this week =)
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