i'm no kate moss... so, no, i can't fit through a freakin needle

waahhh... **here comes the whining**... i feel like i gained weight. :( i shouldn't have eaten ((enter list of ridiculous non-nutritious stuff here)). and to have done it for four straight days! gah! and when was the last time i went to the gym? ((thinks)) oh, it was only yesterday. but that was after not having gone for a total of **ready for this?** six freakin days. THIS is what happens when i get semi-obsessed with my weight. seriously. some people don't understand the pressure women face these days. have you all seen the dove commercial about how they help out with educating little girls on how to view themselves positively??? yeah... at this day and age, we need makers of soap and shampoo and what not to tell our kids they are beautiful. because now all they're growing up with are images of really super tiny people who are supposedly gorgeous. we're bombarded with society's beauty standards through media and sometimes, even worse, our own families and friends. and then we end up starving ourselves, feeling guilty because of that one cookie we ate at lunch, spending countless hours at the gym (this is not fun when there's no guy to gawk at), blaming ourselves for not having that self-control. i say "we" but i mean "me". who am i doing this for? i say that i just want to be fit and healthy... but really, there's this other voice inside of my head that tells me that i'm not pretty enough or skinny enough. it's hard to not listen. so i obsess about it and plan the week ahead with countless exercises... but for what? it feels a little better afterwards but the voice is still there. it takes all of me (and a lotttt of Jesus) to not take it to the extreme. to not have the voice take over. it's a struggle but i'm fighting on. i love food too much to give it up. :D so shut up, other voice. i'mma win this fight... sometime... somehow.