shore club: leinenkugel's sunset wheat

SD: Thanks for driving me home and tolerating my very frequent requests for bathroom breaks. Thanks for making me try some really good stuff, one of which I've decided was good enough to name this blog after. :)

I will never listen to any of MM's stories ever again. Not when he's holding a bottle in his hands... but who knows? He probably would've told it anyway, even if he didn't have EtOH in his system. I'm glad I had AT as a filter... and even he threw me some i-have-no-@#$%-idea-why-he's-telling-me-this glances. Haha. You know you've crossed some kind of a line when your cw's are telling you strange stuff about their lives. Or when they utter things that they don't normally say to you when you come across each other in the hallway. Unless I was too dense to "get" that he was actually serious. Bwahaha.

I love MH's daughters. They are too adorable. At one point, one of them chose me over the lights of the Christmas tree. *melts* Haha. The KS party was more fun that I had expected... I got an electronic dartboard that is going to be installed in the lab somewhere. MM claims he was going to "steal" that one from me too, after having "stolen" the MP3 player I had "stolen" from WL. But he said he didn't want to see the same forlorn expression I had on when he took the MP3 player. Egh... I really wouldn't have minded. But it was just too funny (and very karma-ish) that he ended up with tiny chicken salt and pepper shakers.

Last day of work for 2008. Whoo!
LYN

applesauce or ABCs --> Bacon

Two and a half bowls of pasta-roni later... I'm absolutely stuffed. Thanks SC.... for having us over and sharing a piece of your heart with us. More importantly, thanks for letting me take the left-overs. Haha.

You all can't possibly understand how happy I am that I saw a protein band on my gel today. **Ignore this statement if you have no idea what I'm talking about.** The take-home message is that I'm happy I'm able to do what I claim in my resume. Teehee.

My nieces and nephew are coming. They'll be here at the end of this month... which makes me wonder about whether or not I should move back to LA. I've been asking God to lead me wherever He wants me to be. The thing is, it's almost the perfect time to move. I'm on the market again, job-wise. And my apartment lease ends at the end of Feb. I haven't enrolled in any class and I'm very much open to moving closer to my family, what with my brother's children being there and all. So what's holding me back? I'm comfortable here. I love San Diego -- the weather, the fun places, and the people that I've come to consider as my second family. And there aren't a lot of biotech companies up in LA. But still, there's that pull that I can't ignore. At the moment, I'm very confused. And I will remain confused until God gives me a very clear answer. I choose to wait.. and in the mean time, I'll do what God tells me for the "now." I'll worry about the "later" well, later. :)

Tomorrow will be tons of fun. I've never been to a KS Christmas party. Someone's bringing Jose C. Uhh... maybe I'll limit myself to one or two of that. I want to be very (aware) around my co-workers. It should be interesting. Heh...

Bah, George Lopez again. Either that or Home Improvement. Bah.

LYN

a painting by Chagall

"Painting by Chagall"

Thunder rumbles in the distance, a quiet intensity
I am willful, your insistence is tugging at the best of me
You're the moon, I'm the water
You're Mars, calling up Neptune's daughter

Sometimes rain that's needed falls
We float like two lovers in a painting by Chagall
All around is sky and blue town
Holding these flowers for a wedding gown
We live so high above the ground, satellites surround us.

I am humbled in this city
There seems to be an endless sea of people like us
Wakeful dreamers, I pass them on the sunlit streets
In our rooms filled with laughter
We make hope from every small disaster

Everybody says "you can't, you can't, you can't, don't try."
Still everybody says that if they had the chance they'd fly like we do.

***

that song is really confusing. haha. but i looooove it. if you have time, you should google it and listen to it. actually while you're at it, you might as well look these up too: solace and la vie en rose. :) these songs totally cheer me up.

anywhos... i've been thinking about a lot of things. most of them are about the future. where i'll be, what i'll be doing, who i'm going to be (with), etc etc etc. :) hey, i'm not worrying. i'm just wondering. and also, trying to figure out what path to take to get to where God wants me to be. i don't know where that is, but i have to find the right path... i don't want to be on a road that leads to nowhere.

it's hard to figure out what i want. it's even harder to figure out if what i want is what's good for me... if what i want is what God wants for me. i don't see God's will for my life as something that i will not enjoy... because i know that if i'm completely obedient and if i trust him wholly, i will find complete joy and peace in whatever He has in store for me. what i don't know is if my desires for a certain future is God's will for me. i suppose i can't really know that... but i have to be able to discern.

is God's will an endpoint that i'll get to no matter if i start on point A or B or C? is it something concrete and unchanging? or does it change with each decision i make? what happens if i ignore a nudge from the Holy Spirit? do i get another nudge or does it completely alter the endpoint? does God have control over the endpoint -- if He does, does that invalidate our freedom of the will? does it matter where i am and what i'm doing as a career if i'm glorifying Him in whatever i've chosen to do, wherever i was?

too many questions. gah. hey, maybe some of you can try to help me out with these things. :)
well, i'll continue to ponder.

good night.
LYN

wants

ok, this is silly. whenever i do take the time to sit and try to blog, i can't come up with anything to say. sighs.

i can't tell you how many times my head would be overflowing with ideas and new thoughts. my mind filled with so many that i can't seem to sort them out and organize them well enough to write them... and actually make sense. just now, i thought i could write... but here i am again, in front of the keyboard, struggling to find anything meaningful to say.

but let's try it. and see where it gets me.

there's something oddly comfortable about being alone in the apartment. the christmas lights on the small tree are on and the way the colors are changing is almost hypnotizing. i guess i can sit here and watch it all day. and the odd thing is, i'm ok with doing that. it's not like i can really go anywhere... i'm still a bit sick and the headache comes and goes. i had been in bed until 1045am when my body reminded me of its physical need. so i had mac and cheese with spam. not at all satisfying (as i type, i'm feeling hungry again)... but at that time, i didn't care. i was too eager to eat anything to really think about what i REALLY wanted to eat. anyway, just before i got out of bed, i had a sinking feeling... as if i already knew how slow and uneventful today is going to be. of course, i'm comparing my life with bella's... and yes, as opposed to her drama-filled life, mine's a bit mundane. but gah, what i would give to have a little excitement. just a teeny-weeny bit. anyway, there's nothing i can do to change the course of my life. i can only really change my attitude about it.

but come to think of it, i don't think my life's supposed to be slow and uneventful. i really don't want to accept that. i refuse to, anyway. i want to discover new things, experience new things, and learn new things. i want to live... really live. the way God expects and wants me to live. joyful, hopeful, peaceful... i want to find meaning and purpose in everything. and i want to live with meaning and purpose. i want to find myself immersed in the beauty of love: romantic love, friendship love, etc. i want to find God then find the one i'm supposed to be with in this lifetime. i want to love and be loved.

i want sooooo many things.
is it ok to want a lot of things? is it enough to want them?
will i love Him, even when i get disappointed?

i guess i should just stare at my tree. when i get to thinking about these wants, i feel an ache in me. i guess i must want those things badly.

well, ok, it's getting hard to keep track of my thoughts. honestly, what i've written here is only a hundredth of what's going through my head. but you all can't know everything. :)

tata for now,
LYN