I want to live like the way I run.
When I go running, I pick a spot in the distance as a kind of milestone where I can either stop and start walking or suck it up and keep running. But until I get there, I go at it hard, all the while enjoying the fresh air and the fact that I can still do such an activity. I really am blessed; I thank God for my legs. Running is probably the only sport I consider myself to be good at. :) Anyway, the way I live is different. People say I'm carefree. But that's probably just the way I come off. I want to live carefree. But there's chaos in my head-- thoughts that prevent me from completely trusting Him. I think so much about where I want to be that I forget to live in the here and now. My head gets filled with thoughts of that finish line (whatever that is) that I don't get as much from living as I possibly can. I can hear God saying, "child, you only need to make it to this tree, your milestone, and you're good for the hour... for the day... for the week." I can hear Him telling me all about the beauty of the present, but there's background noise. Noise coming from my desire to get to "it" already... from my doubts that He will actually make things happen for me. So I ignore God's voice... and continue with my futile attempt to get to that finish line. Then I ask God "why is life so hard? When are you going to do this for me? Am I supposed to be content at my current state?" And in my frustration and anger, His voice gets all the more drowned by more background noise. Here's when those other questions come: "Why are you not listening to me? Why don't I hear you? Are you there??? Didn't you promise me a fruitful and fulfilling life? So why am I stuck here??? When am I going to catch a break? I want to see you, hear you... why can't I do that?" But it's not Your fault. It's my own damn fault. And it breaks my heart to even imagine the pain I cause You. When I lay aside my doubts, my questions, my emotions... that's when I see You. I see Your hand trying to take mine... I see that blessed milestone... but more importantly, I realize how amazing and truly fulfilling and fruitful the journey is with You. And I hear You. I hear You laugh when no one else does... I hear You whisper comfort when in my helplessness, all I can do is cry... I hear Your rah, rah, rahs... so I can get to that milestone... I hear Your promises of that finish line.
I want to live like that. In complete surrender and trust in You.
I learn every moment to surrender and trust. Thank you for my infinite second chances.
LYN
When I go running, I pick a spot in the distance as a kind of milestone where I can either stop and start walking or suck it up and keep running. But until I get there, I go at it hard, all the while enjoying the fresh air and the fact that I can still do such an activity. I really am blessed; I thank God for my legs. Running is probably the only sport I consider myself to be good at. :) Anyway, the way I live is different. People say I'm carefree. But that's probably just the way I come off. I want to live carefree. But there's chaos in my head-- thoughts that prevent me from completely trusting Him. I think so much about where I want to be that I forget to live in the here and now. My head gets filled with thoughts of that finish line (whatever that is) that I don't get as much from living as I possibly can. I can hear God saying, "child, you only need to make it to this tree, your milestone, and you're good for the hour... for the day... for the week." I can hear Him telling me all about the beauty of the present, but there's background noise. Noise coming from my desire to get to "it" already... from my doubts that He will actually make things happen for me. So I ignore God's voice... and continue with my futile attempt to get to that finish line. Then I ask God "why is life so hard? When are you going to do this for me? Am I supposed to be content at my current state?" And in my frustration and anger, His voice gets all the more drowned by more background noise. Here's when those other questions come: "Why are you not listening to me? Why don't I hear you? Are you there??? Didn't you promise me a fruitful and fulfilling life? So why am I stuck here??? When am I going to catch a break? I want to see you, hear you... why can't I do that?" But it's not Your fault. It's my own damn fault. And it breaks my heart to even imagine the pain I cause You. When I lay aside my doubts, my questions, my emotions... that's when I see You. I see Your hand trying to take mine... I see that blessed milestone... but more importantly, I realize how amazing and truly fulfilling and fruitful the journey is with You. And I hear You. I hear You laugh when no one else does... I hear You whisper comfort when in my helplessness, all I can do is cry... I hear Your rah, rah, rahs... so I can get to that milestone... I hear Your promises of that finish line.
I want to live like that. In complete surrender and trust in You.
I learn every moment to surrender and trust. Thank you for my infinite second chances.
LYN
1 comment:
there it is ... come back to this.
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