"[Our] problem is not that God is not fulfilling, [our] problem is that [we] are spoiled."
-- Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz
Too many times, I've put God in a box... or more like a bottle. Because in my head he's a genie... someone who will do whatever I ask or expect of him. He loves me and wants to win me over... ergo... he will do anything that I want. So i rub and rub and ask and ask... and I end up disappointed. And so I go about complaining about him and how he doesn't listen and how he must not care or love me... and I become bitter and doubtful and resentful of him. Of course, I also often refuse to admit that it's my fault. It's the pride thing. "I cannot be wrong... why is it always my fault? Why do I have to be the one to approach him? Why do I have to apologize... for wanting things? For asking for things? For expecting more?"
He's sad when I do that. I know... because there are times when I miss him and it hurts... and I know he really really wants to just spend time with me because he misses me too. I pout and I whine and I cross my arms in front of me, glaring at him... but all he does is look at me with those puppy eyes telling me to walk back over.. to just talk to him... so he can tell me why and how there's a purpose for me not getting the things that I want... and there's a reason why I don't have or can't or am not. He's waiting to tell me that he can't wait to give me all these good things if i would just let go of the things that I think are good for me but in reality are not. He wants to remove all the things that come between us and give me blessings -- those that I can use for his glory and those that I can use to bless other people as well.
The thing is I'm spoiled. Of course, he still loves me even though I'm a brat. But God will not change to please me. God will not give me things that he knows are bad for me or grant me things when the time is not ready. He wants me to know that.... and take him out of the bottle/box... and just walk with him and know him and love him. "And then all these things will be added to me." And then there will be fulfillment and joy. I want that. :)
L
-- Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz
Too many times, I've put God in a box... or more like a bottle. Because in my head he's a genie... someone who will do whatever I ask or expect of him. He loves me and wants to win me over... ergo... he will do anything that I want. So i rub and rub and ask and ask... and I end up disappointed. And so I go about complaining about him and how he doesn't listen and how he must not care or love me... and I become bitter and doubtful and resentful of him. Of course, I also often refuse to admit that it's my fault. It's the pride thing. "I cannot be wrong... why is it always my fault? Why do I have to be the one to approach him? Why do I have to apologize... for wanting things? For asking for things? For expecting more?"
He's sad when I do that. I know... because there are times when I miss him and it hurts... and I know he really really wants to just spend time with me because he misses me too. I pout and I whine and I cross my arms in front of me, glaring at him... but all he does is look at me with those puppy eyes telling me to walk back over.. to just talk to him... so he can tell me why and how there's a purpose for me not getting the things that I want... and there's a reason why I don't have or can't or am not. He's waiting to tell me that he can't wait to give me all these good things if i would just let go of the things that I think are good for me but in reality are not. He wants to remove all the things that come between us and give me blessings -- those that I can use for his glory and those that I can use to bless other people as well.
The thing is I'm spoiled. Of course, he still loves me even though I'm a brat. But God will not change to please me. God will not give me things that he knows are bad for me or grant me things when the time is not ready. He wants me to know that.... and take him out of the bottle/box... and just walk with him and know him and love him. "And then all these things will be added to me." And then there will be fulfillment and joy. I want that. :)
L
2 comments:
i like this....i love to read when you write these encouraging words. Stay up big Lyn, you are a great inspiration.
ergo ... *big grin*
is this because i toLd you to pray for mountains? maybe we shouLd stick to hiLLs then act surprised when we get mountain ranges ...
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